Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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