I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
