I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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