it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to align my fucking chakras
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
