Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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