3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
