from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
