Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
