you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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