didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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