evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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