Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
