another moral hangover. fuck.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
