I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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