do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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