he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
