Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
