Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
