Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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