I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just blew my weed a kiss
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
