WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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