I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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