I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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