I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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