SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
