i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
