I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there's paper in my vomit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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