i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
