waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
