Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
