I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We have started to decorate penises.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
