if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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