I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
