So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
