cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
