u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
