I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
