2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
