I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
