my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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