You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize