Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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