i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize