perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
