Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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