Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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