naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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