I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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