Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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