conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
40s are totally the cure
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
