We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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