Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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