I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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