Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm at about main and main street
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
