hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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