please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Your penis caused this!
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