We tried having a conversation with our noses.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
