we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
