Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
