while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
