I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
