I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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