i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
