Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
