I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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