Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
