She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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