I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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