And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
